20 May 2015

30 days writing {10} fear eats the soul

The other terror that scares us from self-trust is our consistency; a reverence for our past act or word, because the eyes of others have no other data for computing our orbit than our past acts, and we are loath to disappoint them. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

the only thing to fear is fear itself... ~someone, somewhere...

fear eats the soul ~someone else...

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Emerson says: “Always do what you are afraid to do.” 
What is ‘too scary’ to write about? Try doing it now.
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for a long time this was: telling Mr G i thought we were over. turns out that wasn't so scary... it was a relief. making the steps to a life without him there on a daily basis wasn't so scary - things kept falling into place, 'magically'. don't get me wrong, there are days i wish someone would whisk me away and make sure i was safe and i wouldn't have to worry about a thing {many days actually} cos that's how i've been programmed, but on the whole it's all good...

what scares me at the moment? what am i afraid to do? i don't feel there's anything right now... might sound a little arrogant, but i think i've dealt with my biggest fear for the moment... although i think there's one, and i think it has a lot to do with why my relationship broke up in the first place... i think i'm shit-scared of being True to MySelf... really, totally, blindingly true... but even that doesn't really hold me back anymore. i know that Good things will come from listening to my inner voice, following it's lead, and that fear comes from that thing called Ego, the thing that has been leading me along for all these years, taking me by the had to make sure i was 'safe', that it's fear of death and the unknown were far more devastating than any change can ever be...

oh, another one just popped into my head. 
i think i'm also quite scared of being genuinely intimate with others. to  allow myself to be vulnerable, to be naked {not literally per se...} and risk ridicule or pain. not sure how to deal with that one {yeah, i know, go for it and all that...} - yet...

when the time is right... 


kati's things >here<

2 comments:

Kati H said...

Yes i get that. Been in the place too. It will come :)

Daan (Dan) said...

hope so... apparently i have to be Truly and Madly myself and the right person will appear in my life... but how will i know...?!